What if? It is a question that can drive you to madness. What if Ben had gotten tested when his co-worker said that his symptoms sounded like COVID? What if we had never put Ben on the ventilator? What if Ben had gotten the shots? What if I had taken him to a different hospital? What if Ben had used the incentive spirometer like he was supposed to? What if he hadn’t gone wherever it was that he picked up COVID from? What if Ben had gotten COVID from me when I had it in April?
I could ask all these what if questions and many more. It won’t do any good though. Nothing I do or say or think can bring Ben back. I can’t change anything that has happened. People have said to me that it was Ben’s time. I’m not quite sure it was his time to go. But I do know that God allowed his death. He certainly didn’t cause it and He has the power to have healed Ben. He didn’t and I can’t change that. There isn’t a day that has gone by that I haven’t wished that Ben was still here.
In talking about attitude, Charles Swindoll said “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” I hate what has happened to our family. I could be mad and bitter. I could blame God and curse Him. Or I can choose to have faith that God does have a plan. I can be bitter or I can be better.
I like the song below from Steve Green. It pairs well with yesterday’s post as well. God has a plan. I don’t know what that plan is right now. God will show me His plan day by day as I follow Him. One of the verses from the song: “Though I am pressed on every side I am not in despair. My faith in you will carry me through though I may not see where You’re leading me.”
For the Love of Ben 