A dear friend and fellow widow sent me a Christmas card and put some money in it with a note to buy myself something that I wanted. She knew all too well how hard Christmas can be that first year. She lost her husband around Thanksgiving 13 years ago. Ben would usually ask me a few weeks before Christmas what I wanted for Christmas. I usually had at least one thing that I would tell him. This year I would have asked him for a new Bible. The one that he got me several years ago is in rough shape and is held together (not very well) with packing tape. So I took the money I was given and headed to the local Christian bookstore. I found a Bible that I liked and also found a book which I purchased. When I checked out they asked if I wanted a name put on the Bible. I decided to forgo the name since it would take at least a week. As I drove home from the bookstore an idea popped into my head. I have a Cricut and can easily cut iron-on vinyl and heat press it on the cover of my new Bible. But not just cut my name out with a font I have loaded on my computer. I will load Ben’s handwriting of my name into the Cricut program and cut it out so that I will have Ben’s handwriting on my Bible.
The book that I also purchased is titled For All Who Grieve by Colin Smith. The book is centered around Lamentations. The author is a pastor of a church and was studying Lamentations for a future sermon series he had planned. He recalls getting a call that one of the families in his church had experienced the tragic death of their teenage son. It was in the weeks after that that he asked the couple if they would be interested in being a part of a group of couples that had lost a child. He knew there were several in the church that had experienced the death of a child and felt that it could benefit them all if they met together and shared their stories and grief. I have only read 2 chapters so far. This is not the kind of book that is meant to be read all in one setting so I will work my way through it slowly. Each chapter has a set of questions at the end for reflection or discussion. It was designed so that it could also be used in a group of those grieving the loss of a loved one.
I have a few other books on grief that I am reading as well. I would have never guessed six months ago that I would be reading books about grief. First because I tend not to read too many books. And second because why would I need to read books about grief? I am grateful for Christian men and women that can help the grieving navigate life in the days, weeks and months after the loss of a loved one.
The church I am attending started up a widow/widower group that meets once a month after the Sunday service. They met this last Sunday. I had contacted those leading the group about attending so they were expecting me. I knew before I got there that I would be the youngest person. And I was by at least 20 years. How can I relate to a group of older ladies and men? Normally I would not fit in with a group of men and women that are 70 or older. But we all share the common bond of the death of a spouse. There is some comfort in being with a group of people that have felt what I am feeling. To be among people that understand the things that I am dealing with. It doesn’t matter what our age is, we have the shared experience to draw us together. Of course I have things that I have to deal with that the others in the group haven’t had to face. But there is so much that we can learn from each other.
For the Love of Ben 