When I have a few moments here and there to ponder things, my mind wanders to the things that I miss most since Ben died. The list is so long. Many of the things I miss most are also things that bring a smile to my face as I think about the memories related to those things.
If you knew Ben, you knew that he was rarely serious. My daughter, Callie, tells the story of a lady in the church that worked with the youth. She asked Callie one day how to tell if Ben was serious in what he said. Callie’s response was that he is always joking unless he is serious. And that is how you know that Callie is the daughter of Ben! Ben’s co-worker made the comment to me that work will be boring without Ben. That he made work fun and enjoyable. Ben didn’t have the time or energy to be negative and grumpy.
Ben had a huge servant’s heart. He constantly served our family in big and small ways. When we would get a large amount of snow, it was Ben who always made sure our sidewalks and driveway were shoveled. For several years he helped with the Foodmobile. One Saturday he was not home when I got up. When he got home, he said he had been at the Foodmobile helping. Every month after that, you were likely to find him at the Foodmobile helping get food distributed to people that needed it. He rarely missed unless one of the kids had a soccer game or we were out of town for another reason. Ben served in Awana starting right after we got married until this year. He served as an admin deacon at the church and was always taking care of projects around the church that needed his techy know-how.
Though he loved to serve others, he never wanted to be in charge. When he first interviewed for a job at Lakewood he didn’t get it. The next year there was another opening. He got that job. After he got it, he told me that he was glad he didn’t get it the year before because the guy that did was now the director and “in charge”. He just wanted to be a worker bee and do the things he loved to do. He was so smart with anything techy. I miss having him to solve all my tech issues as well as having his knowledge on what is the best computer or other piece of technology.
The thing I miss the most though is just Ben’s presence. Quite often I would get a text from him asking if I needed anything since he was going to stop at the store. Or I would text him and ask him to pick something up on his way home. I would often joke that Ben and I didn’t talk much. Usually it would be after someone told me something that they told Ben that he hadn’t told me. We did talk. Quite often it would be as we traveled in the car. I miss having him sit in the recliner and watching a TV show with him. I miss eating dinner with him or going out to eat with him. I miss watching Sabin’s soccer games with Ben. I miss sharing a bed with him. I miss sitting next to him in church.
Things are starting to level out. I still miss Ben and will for the rest of my life here on earth. Tears still roll down my cheeks everyday. Of course life will never be the same. But it does go on whether I like it or not.
For the Love of Ben 