This past Sunday was Palm Sunday. That day marks the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey and the people shouted Hosanna and threw palm branches on the path ahead of him. It marks the beginning of Holy Week. It is a very important time of reflection and celebration for Christians around the world.
As I think about the week ahead and the significance, I think of Ben celebrating Easter for the first time in heaven. In the very presence of Jesus, the one that was crucified and rose again. I sure would like to be there celebrating with him. Sometimes I let my mind wander and think about what it is like in heaven. Ben and I had two miscarriages between Callie and Sabin (thus 8 years between them). Did Ben recognize those babies that we never met here on earth when he entered the gates of heaven? Before Ben died I would imagine that my mother-in-law was up in heaven enjoying those 2 grandbabies. She only had just over 2 years here on this earth as a grandma. Now she has had over 17 years to spend with one of her grandbabies. I long for the day when my time here on earth is complete and I can join Ben in heaven. No matter how long it is, I suspect that when I get there, it will have seemed as if it was a blink of an eye for Ben.
Easter is one of my favorite times of the year. I enjoy putting Easter baskets together for the kids. Even though Callie is an adult she will still get an Easter basket this year as will Hunter and of course Sabin will as well. We won’t be able to be together on Easter but the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus will still be joyous. It is that event that gives me the hope of heaven. I look forward to gathering with the church on Easter Sunday morning and rejoicing in the resurrection of Jesus. It will be a small taste of what heaven will be like.
Until the day that I enter the gates of heaven, I have many things to do here on earth. My calendar for the next 2 months will be full with soccer and track for Sabin. We start out this Saturday with his first soccer game and then 2 track meets next week. Then we end the week with a soccer game on Friday night and another on Saturday afternoon. Add to that a morning of turkey hunting too! One thing I am thankful for this spring soccer season is that his practices are here in Lowell again. I know it isn’t ideal for most of the rest of the team but it is very helpful for me to have practices so close to home since I am solo now.
I do have lots to look forward to but grief is always there. The tears still come everyday. I still miss Ben terribly. I still wish that COVID didn’t steal him away from us. No matter how busy I get or what is going on, there is always an awareness that things are not as they should be. That Ben is gone. It seems unreal at times. And yet it is real. I don’t like it either. It is hard. Harder than anyone can ever imagine. Those grieving the loss of a loved one, especially a spouse, will never be the same. Loss changes you. I pray that it changes me for the better even though it is extremely difficult.
For the Love of Ben 