In many ways going through life after the death of a spouse is like trying to navigate through a minefield. There are so many things that can trigger moments of tears and sobbing. Sometimes the mines are easy to spot and we can plan around them and be ready to make a path around them. Those are the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. Other times the mine is unexpected and hidden. Those can be the everyday things that happen in the course of a normal day. Something that just isn’t the same without the loved one.
Somehow the month of October has rolled around again. It feels like I have been in a time warp where time just flies by. Not only is it October but it is already nearing the end of October. There are so many bad memories that the month now holds. From the date that Ben came home from work and said he was really tired to the day he was admitted to the hospital to the day he entered heaven’s gates. The whole month is a minefield.
Some days are okay. Other days are difficult. Almost all days in October are hard. Ben is missed so much. The sad reality is that as time goes on it is hard to imagine how things would be if he were here. We have made it through so many days without him that it seems normal that he isn’t here anymore. It is just how life is now.
I wake up each morning grateful for another day on earth never knowing what the day will hold. Will I encounter any mines today? Or will today be one of those days that I am able to avoid the minefield? Because even after two years there are still lots of tears and lots of mines to navigate around. Eventually the minefield will be emptied of most of its mines and fewer days will be as hard. There will still always be mines waiting out there because grief is a constant companion that will accompany me the rest of my life. But I know there is a purpose in all of it and God will use it in my life to help others.
For the Love of Ben 