“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, . . . is the first portion of the opening line from A Tale of Two Cities written by Charles Dickens. The line goes on with several more contrasts and contradictions to describe the time period the book is set in. Here is an explanation of the meaning that came up when I Googled the phrase: It is often used to describe a situation where there are both positive and negative aspects present at the same time. The phrase is meant to convey the idea that life can be both good and bad, and that one can experience joy and suffering simultaneously.
I wouldn’t describe the death of a spouse as the best of times. But the idea of contradictions is fitting as I hit the two year mark. The contradiction that it has been a long two years but it has gone by quickly. There is a saying that the days are long but the years are short. It is usually used in context to raising children but it fits for those walking through grief as well. Each day can be a struggle and seem to be so long but the years somehow fly by.
Next month one of my very good friends will mark 15 years since the death of her husband. I never thought that we would ever have the conversations that we have had over the last 2 years. That I would know what it is like to walk the path of grieving the death of my husband and best friend. But there is comfort in knowing someone that has walked a very similar path and can come alongside me. It gives hope that I will be able to move forward and that life does go on. Life can be good again even though it will be different than what I expected or planned.
Two weekends ago I had the opportunity to attend a retreat for widows. A fellow widow that is 11 months behind me in her grief journey and I traveled over to Maranatha Bible & Missionary Conference in Norton Shores. It is a beautiful location on the shores of Lake Michigan. And in October the fall colors are on full display. It was a wonderful weekend away. We were spoiled with great accommodations, way too much yummy food, wise words from gifted speakers and a chance to be around other widows that understand. There was a comfort in being surrounded by so many women that are widows and know the pain that we have experienced. All of us there have a different story and our grief is unique to us. But what united us is the deep loss we have experienced.
In Hebrews the author writes in chapter 12 verse 1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”. The previous chapter is known as the Hall of Faith. It is full of those from the Old Testament that had great faith in the face of adversity. Because of their stories of faith, we can be encouraged to persevere through many difficulties. Each of us that claim the name of Jesus as our Savior could put together our own cloud of witnesses that are personal to us. Those we know who have persevered through adversity and had great faith. Ben is in my cloud of witnesses. He had such a strong faith in God and His plan. He set a great example for me and for our children.
As I enter year three without Ben his final words to me still echo in my ears. God is good.
For the Love of Ben 