One thing Ben seldom bought me was cut flowers. I have bought more cut flowers in the last year than he did in our 22 years of marriage. They bring me happiness and I enjoy their beauty and their fragrance. Even though I rarely received cut flowers from Ben, he always was sure to spoil me on Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t a big holiday in the Ingram household but it was acknowledged with the perfect card and some chocolates. And often a pot of hyacinths. That was the type of flowers that Ben would pick out for me. They are one of my favorites because of their fragrance. And as a bonus, I could plant them in the flower bed when they were done blooming so they were the gift that keeps on giving each year.
With Valentine’s Day approaching and knowing that there is a group of widows at my church I decided upon a plan. I made a trip to Sam’s Club and picked up a bouquet of 18 beautiful white roses. Then on Sunday morning, February 4th, I handed a rose to all of the widows that were there that morning. Being a widow myself, I knew that it was unlikely that I would get any flowers from anyone. Neither would my fellow widows. I wanted to be sure that each widow would have a rose to brighten a day that can be so hard and to let them know that they are loved.
They were all so appreciative of this simple gesture and show of love and kindness. So many people don’t know what to do or say for the widows in their lives. One thing everybody can do though is to pray for us. Life is hard enough with our husbands. It is infinitely harder without them. There is a saying about grief that when you have loved deeply, you grieve deeply. I have found that to be very true. When a good friend dies we grieve. But the grief for that friend is not the same as the depth of grief when it is your husband or wife. We have lost the one person that loved us best and most.
Another thing to do is listen and be looking for things that they may need help with. It could be a ride to church or appointments, a meal, fixing a leaky faucet, help with taxes or any number of things. Think about the things that you encounter day to day that might be a struggle for a widow and you will have plenty of ways to be a help. No matter how big or small the action, by reaching out you will make sure that that widow feels seen and loved. Even if it is a single white rose ahead of a day that could be a tough day for her.
For the Love of Ben 