For the Love of Ben

As Ben was in the hospital and after his passing, I had numerous opportunities to show grace to those around me. When Ben went in the hospital there were several people that reached out with information that was helpful for them when they had COVID. Others reached out with advice on how Ben should be […]

Sabin and I returned from our trip to Florida. We had a good time away from home, school and work. I wished we could have stayed a lot longer but school and work required us to return to the cold of Michigan. A friend of mine from high school had invited us to come down […]

Grief takes a huge toll on you not just emotionally but physically. Over the course of the last 4 months I have lost at least 25 pounds. Most days I am completely exhausted by 10 pm. There are times where it feels like it will never end and I wonder how long I can continue […]

One of the things that was discussed last week in the GriefShare group was being ambushed by grief. Those are times where you are going along and then out of nowhere a wave of grief crashes over you. Some of the members of the group shared some stories of when they were ambushed by grief. […]

I am tired. Physically tired. Emotionally tired. Spiritually tired. Any way that one can be tired, I am that. Mothers understand what it is to be tired those first few months after having a baby. Grief is that and so much more. Sleep is often elusive and not peaceful. On top of not getting good […]

Sometimes someone or something comes to mind and I become a wreck. That happened a couple of times yesterday. There are times where I just miss Ben so much. So many things that I wish he was here for me to tell him about. Over the years it seems I have become known as someone […]

Last night my son, Sabin, had a choir concert for his choir class at school. That meant I had to miss the second session of the GriefShare group. Sabin did a good job as did all the students and groups. As I entered the performing arts center I grabbed a program and found a seat […]

When I have a few moments here and there to ponder things, my mind wanders to the things that I miss most since Ben died. The list is so long. Many of the things I miss most are also things that bring a smile to my face as I think about the memories related to […]

Today marks 3 months since my Ben entered the presence of his Savior, Jesus. I miss him just as much today as I have everyday since then. So often I have wished that I could go back in time and change something so that this present reality would be different than what I am living. […]

A dear friend and fellow widow sent me a Christmas card and put some money in it with a note to buy myself something that I wanted. She knew all too well how hard Christmas can be that first year. She lost her husband around Thanksgiving 13 years ago. Ben would usually ask me a […]