For the Love of Ben

Earlier this week as I drove to the school for my job in the drop off line, I was listening to the radio. My favorite in the mornings is Moody radio. I enjoy hearing the morning team. On Tuesday morning there was a clip of an interview with Toby Mac. He was talking about losing […]

Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day. This year my company gave us the day off. I volunteered to work at the school to cover for someone who is out sick. It was only a half day so I had the rest of the day to get some chores done. I had a lot on […]

When I met with the pastors to plan Ben’s memorial service they asked if any of us wanted to say something. Both my kids and my son-in-law said they would like to say something. I didn’t figure that I would be able to hold it together to read or say anything. I did however write […]

As I sat in my office today tears were streaming down my cheeks. I noticed that the Kleenex I pulled out of the box was now a light peach color where the one before it was white. It seems like a little thing but the people at Kleenex put a different color of tissue at […]

Before October 31st I had very little understanding of how hard it is to lose a close loved one. I knew it was difficult. But I had no clue how extremely difficult. Brutal is the word I often use to describe what it is like to lose a spouse. When you get married the imagery […]

When you have children you are not given a manual on how to raise them. You do the best you can. I feel like grieving is the same. There are lots of books about grief and grieving but there is no one way for how you should grieve the loss of a spouse. Everybody’s experience […]

For anybody that was unable to be at Ben’s memorial service and would like to view it, here it is. Over the years I have gone to a number of funerals and memorial services. Each one is as unique as the person being remembered. I remember by maternal grandmother’s funeral service. It was not a […]

What if? It is a question that can drive you to madness. What if Ben had gotten tested when his co-worker said that his symptoms sounded like COVID? What if we had never put Ben on the ventilator? What if Ben had gotten the shots? What if I had taken him to a different hospital? […]

When I was at Moody I played with the Symphonic Band for 2 years. Each spring we would go on a 2 week long tour over spring break. We would perform at churches, schools and various other places. As part of the concerts, our director had members of the band volunteer to introduce the songs […]

This question has become my least favorite questions. It seems like an innocent question to ask. But for someone who is grieving it is probably the hardest question to answer. What do you say? Do you tell the person asking the question the truth? Do you just say “okay” and move away from the conversation […]