Light and momentary?

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” II Corinthians 4:17.

Some things that happen in life sure don’t feel like light and momentary troubles. The death of a spouse is definitely one of them. There is nothing light and nothing momentary about it. The death of a spouse is heavy and lasts the rest of your life. How can the Apostle Paul say in that verse that our troubles are light and momentary? From our human perspective here on earth they do not seem that way. But on the other side of eternity, we will see that they were light and they were momentary. Life on earth is tough but it is a vapor. A mist that is here one moment and gone the next.

It has been over six months now since Ben went in the hospital. Almost six months since he entered heaven’s gates. I miss him more everyday. It doesn’t necessarily get any easier. It seems like each day is another day that Ben is missing out on and there is something else that he misses. There is always the reality that Ben is not here. I can’t get away from that fact. Tears are still my daily companion. When I look back and reflect on how hard it has been these last 6 months, I wonder how I will make it through the years to come.

Selfishly I want Ben back. I want to be able to go back in time and change what happened. I want him here beside me alive and breathing. I don’t want to live 10, 20, 30 years without him. This was not the plan that we had. I would have never chosen this path. Yet here I am walking the path of widowhood.

Soccer season has started which highlights Ben’s absence even more. I miss his encouraging voice on the sidelines. I miss the meals shared together afterwards. I miss the car rides together. I had a surprise for Sabin for his first soccer game. I ordered a giant cut out of Ben’s head. At least in some weird way Ben can still be at his games.

Callie will be experiencing her first big life event without her daddy. She graduates from college on Sunday, May 1st. He would have been so proud of her and all that she has accomplished. A couple of weeks ago she was inducted into Upsilon Pi Epsilon which is a national honor society for Computing and Information Disciplines. Her husband, Hunter, and I joked about how it was a made up thing. I’m sure Ben would have joined us in the ribbing. But he would have been proud of her for getting good grades and being nominated for induction. There is no doubt that Ben loved his kids. And he always wanted the best for them. Callie got a job at a school working in the library and doing some IT triage. She is enjoying that and it seems as though she is well liked there. She actually applied for Ben’s position at Lakewood and interviewed for it. She lacked the experience that the candidate they chose had but it was fun to think about the possibility of her getting her dad’s job.

Today I signed the paperwork for my trust and will. That brings a bit of peace of mind that things will be handled should something happen to me. With the unexpected death of Ben, I knew I needed to get things set up for Sabin in the event something were to happen to me. I still have a few things do to get a couple of things updated in light of the trust being established. But I am glad to have it taken care of. There is so much paperwork and things to do after the death of a spouse. It can be overwhelming. Thankfully most of it isn’t urgent.