Regrets

The saying goes that hindsight is 20/20. If I knew the things I now know, I would have made many decisions differently over the years. If I had only known what the future held and how things would turn out in my life, I would have done many things differently. The phrase “if I had only known” comes to mind. Usually we make the best decision we can at the time with the information we are given. Down the road when we have more information or can see how the situation turned out, we can see how our choice led to the outcome and wish we had chosen differently. That leads to regret.

Regret can have a positive effect. But for the most part it tends to be a negative emotion. Regret can cause us to be stuck in the past. Constantly beating ourselves up for our decisions and how things turned out. Ultimately there is nothing that we can do to change anything that has already happened. We can’t change the past. All we can do is learn from the past and move forward with that new knowledge and experience.

Recently a new wave of regret washed over me as I read an article detailing the total ineptness of the medical “experts” and mismanagement of the COVID pandemic. So many things that now three years later they got completely wrong. It cost thousands upon thousands of lives, including Ben’s. With the information I have now, we would have certainly made very different decisions regarding Ben’s treatment. Maybe in the end it wouldn’t have made a difference. But that is the thing about regret. You think that if you had made a different decision that it is certain that events would have turned out differently. Then it eats you up because “if only” I had chosen another path it would have led to a better outcome.

Being stuck in regret is not a good place to be. It can lead to bitterness and anger. It can also lead to indecisiveness and an unwillingness to make decisions because you are afraid you will make the wrong choice. But each decision we make throughout each day, week, month, year shapes who we are. The circumstances we go through make us who we are. The circumstances we go through develop our character. They mold who we are and who we are becoming.

It was inevitable that Ben’s death would change me. You can’t go through a major life event like that and stay the same. Just as a log put on a fire can’t remain the same, a person experiencing a life changing event cannot remain the same. One thing it has done is give me a greater anticipation for heaven. The good things in life are just a small taste of what eternity will be like. The turmoil and pain we experience are nothing compared to the glory of eternity. I look forward to the day when my time on earth is complete and I can enter the gates of heaven and the glory that is there. In the meantime, however, I will keep up the work that God has prepared for me, whatever that is and wherever it will take me.