Three years

Today marks three years since Ben passed from his earthly body and entered the gates of heaven. Three long years. Yet three short years. Thanks to Facebook memories, the last three weeks have been a daily reminder of what was happening with Ben as he was in the hospital. The easiest way to keep people updated on Ben’s condition was to post updates at least daily. I don’t need Facebook memories for me to remember everything that happened. Most of it is etched into my memory.

The last three years have been hard. The tears come less often now. But they still come. The hardest part is doing life without Ben. I never imagined a life without Ben. I have had to learn to do many things that Ben used to do. I no longer have someone to share responsibilities with.

In the midst of all the hard times, there have been numerous blessings. One of those blessings has been that the last two years I have been able to travel to Marantha Bible & Missionary Conference for a widows retreat. What a unique experience to be surrounded by a couple hundred other widows who all understand so many things that most in our lives can’t understand. We were treated to delicious food, great fellowship and wonderful messages from gifted speakers.

One of the speakers talked about alone. She painted the picture of alone being a person that quickly moves in after the death of a spouse. But she doesn’t have to be allowed to stay. The reality is that as a Christian, I am never alone. God is always with me. Though Ben is no longer with me, I am not alone. I can still say “we”. But instead of we being Ben and me, we is God and me. Alone wants me to be in a constant state of woe is me. Thankfully I know that it is not true that I am alone.

Today ended up being an okay day. It was a full day for me. I took the day off from work as I have done the past two years. I completed a virtual 5k in the morning. My training for it has been lax so I didn’t run the whole thing but I did complete the full distance. I had lunch with one of my former pastors. I got a nap in. My sister joined Sabin and I for dinner at a restaurant that none of us had eaten at before. I am thankful for a day that wasn’t terrible.