How did we get here?

I never imagined that I would obtain the title of widow at the age of 46. How did that happen? Life was going along smoothly. Ben had a job that he loved. I had a job that paid me well. Our daughter, Callie, was married and approaching her one year anniversary. Our son, Sabin, was enjoying soccer and middle school. Then COVID hit our home again.

Ben came home on Monday, October 4th and was very tired. He came into my office and asked if I had any issue with Sabin not going to his goalkeeper training for soccer. He said that he was really tired and didn’t feel like taking him. I told him I didn’t have an issue with it.

Ben had lots of vacation time available so he decided to take Thursday and Friday off that week. He went to work on Tuesday and Wednesday. By Wednesday night he was not feeling all that well. Friday we were hoping to pick up our new car. I told Ben that he was in no condition to be going anywhere. Saturday he was feeling much better. He was feeling well enough that we were able to pick up our new car. He still wasn’t feeling the greatest but it seemed as though that he was on the mend.

Then Sunday came. He laid on the couch all day. I could tell he was not doing well. He was in extreme pain. He thought it was probably his gallbladder as that is where the pain was primarily located. He had an ultrasound that was already scheduled for Monday morning. When he told me that I told him he should cancel it. To which he replied that if he cancelled it that he would go to the ER.

Monday morning came and Ben was still in extreme pain. He asked me to take him to his ultrasound appointment. I had already planned to do that but after I did the drop off line at the school. He insisted that we go early. So I called in sick for my school job and took him to his appointment early. I think he expected that they may get him in early if he was there early. That did not happen. They completed the ultrasound and he came out into the waiting room. He said they would have the results in 2-3 days. That was not good enough. I told him that I was not going to go through another 2-3 days of watching him in pain. I told him that I would take him to the ER.

I pulled the car around and he got in. I asked him which hospital he would like to go to. He chose Spectrum as that is the hospital his doctor is affiliated with. So off we headed from Ionia to Grand Rapids. On the way I asked which Spectrum hospital he wanted to go to. We decided upon Blodgett. I dropped him off at the ER doors and parked the car. By the time I got parked and got into the ER, he was in triage. They asked him the normal questions and weighed him. Then they put a pulse oximeter on his finger. The nurse had just said that he would have to wait in the waiting room for his turn. Then suddenly she said that he was skipping the waiting room and would be put right in an ER room and would be admitted. His oxygen saturation was at 77.

So they wheeled him to a room and got him in a bed and hooked him up to oxygen. We were still thinking that it was a gallbladder issue due to the extreme pain he was experiencing. In this age of COVID that is one of the first tests that they administered. Ben did not like that test one bit. Within an hour the diagnosis came back that he had tested positive for COVID. Ben was surprised to hear that. We have no idea where he would have been exposed to it.

The hospital was full and we were told it could be 16 or more hours before he would get a room. So we waited in the ER most of the day. They explained the treatments that they would be providing. Thankfully about 6 pm a room was available and they were able to move Ben up to a regular room. I stayed for a bit after he got moved and then headed for home. Callie had picked Sabin up from school once we were told that Ben had tested positive. I picked Sabin up from Callie’s and returned home.

I prepared myself for having Ben in the hospital for at least a week. One of the medications they were administering was a 5 day course so I knew he would be there at least that long. Part of my job is training new clients via Zoom. I had a couple of sessions already on my calendar so I wasn’t able to be at the hospital the whole time Ben was there.

By Friday, Ben was requiring more and more oxygen. He was at the maximum amount that they could provide in a regular room. I received a text from him that they were moving him to the ICU. When I asked him why, he didn’t know. I was in Grand Rapids with Sabin. As quickly as possible I got back home to drop Sabin off and rush to the hospital. When I got there the doctor came in and said that he was maxed out and that he was moved so that if there was more intervention needed it could be done quickly. Ben said he felt okay and didn’t feel short of breath. However his oxygen needs said otherwise. He was not doing well. Once he was moved to the ICU they began to insist that he be on his belly or side as much as possible.

Ben was not a belly or side sleeper so it was extremely uncomfortable for him to be on his belly or side. He had a knot in his neck and a giant knot in his lower back. By Sunday afternoon Ben had nothing left to fight with. He was put on a ventilator with the hopes of giving his body and lungs time to rest and heal. That was a tough decision for us but we absolutely believed that he would recover.

Everything was looking good. They were able to adjust the vent settings down and the numbers were all looking very good. By that Friday they decided to reduce his sedation to start the process of getting him off the vent. That was a disaster. Nothing went right after that and Ben began his decline. Prior to that point it had been the PA that communicated with me about Ben’s status. After the failure of bringing him out of sedation it was the pulmonologist that communicated with me. She told me on that Tuesday that she was very concerned for Ben. By Saturday afternoon she was telling me that there was zero chance that he would recover. Early Sunday morning he stepped into heaven and left his earthly body. He was home in heaven and I was given a new title of “widow”.